Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Passing Out

Life's Mystery: Writing a blog takes on many fronts. For some, it is an ego trip. They thrust their view of life into cyberspace and pray for hits. Most seek confirmation for their myopic observations. Others simply seek attention for being outrageous. For me, it is writing down impressions on how I see the world around me. I try to be fair and see so many issues from both sides of the spectrum. You write. You click "Publish," and you hope for the best that someone out there reads it and says "Gee whiz." Bloggers are groupies. They form links to other bloggers who share similar views. The trick and ultimate satisfaction is your blog post picked up by the Major Leagues -- the websites, magazines and newspapers everyone heard. There's little or no pay in this. One does it out of love to communicate to others. I'm one of a growing cadre in the blogging world with years of experience in the newspaper field. By training, it only comes natural to write commentary on the day's current events. There is a discipline implied that you don't libel, fabricate or verbally defecate on people you write about. Bloggers do have a license to slant their opinions to a particular cause and fairness be damned. Occasionally, blogs can become extremely personal. That is the subject of today's discussion.

Blackout: This morning I passed out. I was signing into my email account. Next thing I realized I was sprawled on the carpet. My first thoughts were why was I looking at the books on the second shelf of my bookcase next to my computer desk-- from the floor. The disorientation lasted only seconds. I realized I had slumped out of my swivel chair which had also tipped over. The cup of coffee I was drinking was spilled and dripping on my pants. I felt physically weak. Mentally, my only cognizance to reality was "what the f---." At least my typical verbal response was normal. I lumbered to an upright position, stood up and grabbed a wet cloth and dry towel to cleanup the spilled coffee. That was the only damage if one could call it that. Then, the process of why and how did that happen take place. I determined the blackout lasted no longer than a minute, if that long. Unlikely I simply dozed off to sleep. I had a restful 8-1/2 hours sleep. I had arisen a half hour earlier, did the dishes and showered. As is my custom, I felt terrific after sipping my first cup of coffee after the blackout. Should I call the doctor? No. I will tell her of the incident at my next appointment with her. Is that a dumb decision? Perhaps. If it happens again, your damn right I will seek medical help. But, for now, it was a case of the weird. I have a mild heart condition known as pericardic contraction. The pericardium which is the protective sac around your heart is contracting, causing the heart valves not to pump at full capacity. It is a condition I have lived with for several years. It prevents the Venus blood from returning properly from your feet to your heart. It causes shortness of breath. It is stressful on your kidneys. It prevents you from walking more than 100 yards before you stop and rest for several minutes. It is a condition I have accepted without complaint. There's not much doctors can do except perform open heart surgery and remove the pericardium. Because of my health and age, the risks are too dangerous. I'm better off living with it. The strange thing of all this is if I'm going to die it certainly is a painless way to go. No fuss. Just drop dead. Goodbye old world. It's been a good trip. I'll miss my two grandchildren, my son and my three brothers. But, I did it my way.

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