Sunday, December 27, 2009

OMG! Palin As President

It's the season for the Remmers Report Annual Awards which run the gamut from the serious to the mundane, We take no prisoners and offer no pity for the absurd, especially when we gaze into the crystal ball and prognosticate the future of political mayhem.

First, let's get the serious out of the way.

Hero of the Year -- US Airways pilot Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger who safely landed his plane on the Hudson River, saving the lives of all 150 passengers and crew.

Heroes of the Year -- The three Navy snipers who killed three pirates holding an American cargo-ship captain hostage for five days on a covered lifeboat about 350 miles off the Somalia coast.

Gutsy Diplomat of the Year -- Matthew Hoh who resigned the top foreign service job in Afghanistan in protest of the administration sending in more troops.

Of those three, it reflects my gratitude and admiration for people who by training and experience do their jobs well.

Meritorious Achievement -- To Barack Obama who was sworn in as the first black president in the history of the United States and to American voters who elected him. This honor is based on overcoming in part the prejudices of our past history. It does not reflect the job he has done so far in his first year in the Oval Office.

Now, let's party.

Winners of the Year -- Private health insurance carriers and Big Pharma. What industry wouldn't drool over the prospects of 30 million new customers mandated by Congress?

Loser of the Year (foreign division) -- The Norwegian committee that bet the come line as if it were a craps table game and named President Obama winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing but talking the talk.

Loser of the Year (domestic division) -- Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich impeached by his state legislators and indicted by the feds for attempting to sell Obama's vacant U.S. senate seat to the highest bidder. Me thinks he protests his innocence too much.

Losers of the Year -- All those investors and charities who lost $50 billion at the hands of Ponzi scheme ring leader Bernard Madoff.

Quote of the Year -- "You lie" shouted by Rep. Joe Wilson (R-South Carolina) during a joint session of Congress speech by President Obama.

Most Gullible -- Teabaggers.

Most Intellectually Challenged -- Republican Rep. Michelle Bachman of Minnesota who received more ink and air time than any other member of Congress. She has produced nothing to show for it but those inane statements about investigating fellow congressmen for patriotism, the wonders of carbon dioxide/global warming and leading The Charge Of The Light Brigade (which lost to the infidels).

Frequent Flier -- Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina. Of all his trips, the one I enjoyed most was his taking the state plane to get a haircut, a one upsmanship on the president flying to Chicago which just happened to include a visit to his personal barber. The governor flying to Argentina to meet his girl friend was cool. Not so cool was leaving the state without telling anyone where he was going.

God Blesses The Elite -- All the House and Senate members living for nominal rent at the K Street church where some counseled member John Ensign to pay $90,000 in hush money to the husband of whose wife was having an affair with the Nevada senator.

Most Self-Serving U.S. Senator (tie) -- Democrat Ben Nelson of Nebraska and Independent Joe Lieberman of Connecticut. Nelson's negotiation to have all taxpayers fund his state's Medicaid costs forever is as breathtaking for Nebraskans as the purchase of the Louisiana territory for early Americans.

And, now the media and entertainment gold mines.

Athlete of the Year -- Tiger Woods for his prowess on the golf course and stamina off it.

Buffoon of the Year -- Glenn Beck.

Biggest Blowhards -- (Tie) between Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann.

Most Influential News Network -- Fox. Personally, I abhor most of the stuff they put on the air but you have to give them credit grudgingly for ratings and shaping much of the national agenda.

Best Political Cable News Host -- Chris Matthews of MSNBC. Just the thought sends shivers up my leg.

Best Network News Anchor -- John Gibson of ABC who promptly retired, his network handing over the reins to Diane Sawyer, Nixon's former girl Friday.

Best Viewing TV Night -- Tuesday's CBS's lineup of "NCIS," "NCIS: Los Angeles " and "The Good Wife."

Best TV Ad -- AT&T's little-girl-loses-dog found by North Carolina basketball star Tyler Hansbrough by social networking his campus buddies.

And finally the Remmers Report fearless forecasts.

Nov. 1, 2010 -- Constitutional lawyers are consulting with House congressional leaders facing a parliamentary crises. The mid-term elections resulted in no majority for any party. The Democrats lost 50 members, the Republicans dropped 10 with third party candidates picking up 60 new members consisting of the Conservative Party, Teabagger Party, Reform Party, the Libertarian Party, the Green Party, the Birthers Party and the Right To Life Party.

Jan. 21, 2013 -- President Sara Palin was sworn into office, telling a world audience she would ask Congress to declare war on a foreign country consisting primarily of brown-skinned people. On her Facebook Page the following day, President Palin said she was misquoted.

July 4, 2015 -- President Palin resigns.

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