Monday, March 22, 2010

Health Legislation Can Be Funny Business

In my continual quest to lighten things up when Murphy's Law strikes -- i.e. the cantankerous new health legislation -- I download U-Tube versions of the late night comics.

Well,. folks, I can't wait nor plan to stay up tonight hours past my bedtime so I stole what's available from the Huffington Post. From Lea Lane:

She offers 10 bonuses from the health legislation you might not have thought of which I felt these were worth repeating:
  • You can watch Fox Noise and see Beck, O'Reilly, Malkin, Morris and the blonde bimbo gang squirm, cry, snarl and threaten about the end of America - and you can jump up and down and do a little hokey-pokey.
  • You'll be able to use your copy of the health care reform bill as a doorstop or a 10-pound weight.
  •  You can email a heartfelt bon voyage message to Rush Limbaugh, who vowed he'd leave the country if health care reform passed.
  • You might start a Facebook group "Na-na-na- na- na- you selfish twits, we got it done." Or join a fan group for ABBA's "Waterloo."
  • The Republicans will officially be known the "Know Nothing, No, Nothing" anti-health party, led by titular head, Michelle Bachmann.
  • You don't have to feel so embarrassed about America's policy that health care is a privilege decided by insurance companies. 
Yeah, I also thought they were rather lame.

One of the funniest question and answer jokes came from Johnny Carson. "What does Michael Jackson and the Dodgers infield have in common? They all were gloves on their left hand for no apparent reason."

Perhaps Omri Marcus on how to write one-liners. You know, those from vaudeville days such as Myron Cohen: "Take my wife...  Please". Here's a random selection from his HuffPost treatise on how to write one-liners.

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas; how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. (Graucho Marx)

Congratulations to Dolly Parton. She received an honorary degree from the University of Tennessee. It's a Ph.-Double-D. (Jay Leno) 

A mysterious man was knocking all night long on Paris Hilton's door. Come morning, she was fed up with it, so she let him out. (David Letterman)

A new survey claims that in 67% of households - the woman is in charge of the cleaning. The rest of the houses are dirty. (Avi Ettinger & Asaf Beiser) 

You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither (Steve Martin)

A hotel will be opened in UK's largest shopping mall. The main target audience - people who failed to find their car in the parking lot. (Omri Marcus)

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car  (Bob Monkhouse)

If the events of Sept. 11th have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. (Jon Stewart)

Marcus's closing sentence:

Don't forget: humor is the best medicine, though if you have cancer, you'd better go for chemotherapy.

On second thought, maybe I will stay up and watch "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" tonight, after all.

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